Unpopular Opinion: Adele Sucks

***This is a satire post. I do not actually enjoy bashing celebrities or anyone for that matter.***

Amidst all of the Adele praising and worshiping, I had a revelation.

Adele kind of sucks.

I’m not talking about her voice or her music, because those are both lovely. She has the voice of a British angel that is only lifted up by wonderfully powerful melodies. But that is exactly why we are unable to see how terrible of a person she actually is. We are blinded by the music, her sorrow-filled and quivering voice telling of the familiar desperation of love with each note she hits in her latest single ‘Hello.’

But if you listen to the words of the song and try to tune out the melodic disguises she drapes them in, you will learn that Adele is selfish, insensitive, and a bit passive aggressive.

When the song starts, those sobering piano keys lead the unassuming listener to think that Adele has, once again, gotten her heart broken. I mean, given her track record of chart-topping heartbreak songs, like ‘Someone Like You’ and ‘Set Fire To The Rains,’ it isn’t hard to believe that the song ‘Hello’ is really about her traveling down Memory Lane and wanting to make peace with an ex who wronged her for closure, which isn’t entirely off. She does seem to be seeking closure, but not the kind of closure that heals a wound inflicted by someone else. She’s seeking the kind of closure that comes when you’re ‘sorry for everything that I’ve done.’ The kind of closure needed to feel better about yourself after you have broken someone’s heart. Shame on you, Adele.

We the listener don’t know what Adele has done to break this dude’s heart, but whatever it was must have been bad enough to make her feel the need to call him at least 1,000 times to apologize.

When he doesn’t pick up all 1,000 or more times, she assumes that either:

1. He isn’t home.
2. He isn’t torn up about the issue AKA doesn’t care about the fact that she wants to apologize for breaking his heart. Cue passive aggressiveness.

We all know the truth, though: this dude was totally (and understandably) screening her calls—which, by the way, does not mean call 199 more times. Take a hint, Adele.

Call me crazy, but I would assume that the dude might be trying to move on with his life, as one does after having one’s heart broken. Or maybe he is still healing and just isn’t too concerned about providing closure to the woman who hurt him by giving her the OK to apologize. No need to get all snarky about it, Adele, by calling him out.

We get it, she’s sorry. But on top of being sorry, she’s also pretty self-centered and insulting. When Adele finally gets him on the phone (or maybe his voicemail), she throws tiny, selfish jabs, talking about herself and asking if he is still living in his old town, which, according to her, is where nothing ever happens. But I guess that’s probably everywhere compared to sunny California where she’s blowing his phone up nonstop from.

Maybe she is just lonely or turning over a new leaf. When we’re lonely or in a transitional phase in our lives, sometimes we reach out to an old flame, hoping to get another chance or right a wrong. But there’s a way to do it, Adele. You must proceed cautiously and with sensitivity when it comes to making amends with exes, otherwise you risk coming off like a wacko ex (calling approximately 1,000 times) or a tool (getting all passive aggressive when he didn’t pick up or return her approximate 1,000 calls. I think she achieved both in this case. Being in a forgiving mood does not justify that behavior. I think I prefer the Adele who got her heart broken and acted like a crazy ex over the Adele who broke a heart and still reacted like a crazy ex. Just saying.

5 Ways To Celebrate International Beer Day

Tomorrow is International Beer Day!

Good excuse to get off work, right? Or at least a good excuse to bring a little fun to the office.

Here are 6 ways to celebrate this wonderful holiday and appreciate the gift that is beer:

 

BOOZY BAKER

Sometimes, either before or after large consumptions of beer, all you need is more beer. And maybe some cake.

Check out five mouth-watering beer cake recipes here and get your baking on!

 

COOK IT UP

Not in the mood for sweets? Beer can still satisfy. Throwing beer into any recipe is a good idea, but I’m not sure if it gets any better than beer mac ‘n’ cheese.

Beer + Cheese=Lifelong happiness. Find this recipe to happiness here.

DRESS IT UP

Make your beer feel spiffy with some new threads. Koozies are the perfect way to express your admiration for your beer on its special day.

Find more kool koozies here.

 

SET IT DOWN SOMEWHERE FANCY

Beers like to rest, too, so place your beer’s bottom on a nice coaster. Your beer will leave no rings on your table and be happy doing it. Win win.

Learn how to make these awesome DIY coasters made from beer boxes here.

 

OPEN IT

Do you love your beer? Of course you do! So crack the cap open and let it breathe!

Ever opened your beer with a beaver, a heart, or an iPhone? No? Well it’s about time you do!

Check out other super cool bottle openers here.

 

 

 

Opinion: Reggae/Ska Concert

Last night, I popped my reggae/ska-concert cherry!

I saw Passafire and Slightly Stoopid, and it was an amazingggg experience.

 

As someone who had been going to only rock/punk/screamo(embarrassing) shows between the ages of 13-18, I was very shocked, refreshed and pleased by the major differences between reggae/ska and rock shows that I spotted.

Here is the opinion of a former scene kid on a completely new genre.

How I Became a Cat Lady

Three years ago, if you would have asked me if I could ever see myself owning a cat as a pet, I would have said hell no. That’s because I only knew dogs. Ever since I was born, my family has always had dogs as pets.

I never used to like cats. To me, cats were these ugly, anti-social creatures with big eyes that hissed, clawed and could attack your ankles at any second. I did a good job of avoiding them. Dogs, on the other hand, were these lovable balls of fur that I baby-talked like there was no tomorrow.

Everything I thought I knew about myself and my pet preference changed last fall.

My roommate and I had just moved into a tiny apartment, and with our very opposite schedules, we hardly ever saw each other. The emptiness of the apartment quickly made the pet-shaped holes in our hearts grow bigger. We missed having an animal around–for me, my dog; for her, her cat.

Getting a pet was the only option! We threw some ideas around–fish, hamster, lizard–but we couldn’t agree on one. Finally, she suggested we get a cat. I was very apprehensive at first. What fun would this animal be for me? Cats are mean and boring, I thought.

But somehow, on a cold October night, I found myself in the parking lot of a Target to meet up with a family that had posted an ad online looking for a new owner for their 1-year-old cat, Mr. Fluffballs. Background: the family was moving to a place that didn’t allow cats. 

My roommate fell in love with him fast, as she held his soft grey and black body in her arms, cooing to him. Now it was I who needed convincing.

And to this day, I still don’t know why I said yes. There was nothing overwhelmingly adorable about this cat. His little face did not turn my heart into syrup. His eyes did not speak to me in a sweet little voice. He was just a cat that looked frightened to be outside and in the arms of a stranger.

I really don’t know what made me agree to take that cat home that night. But something did, and, as cheesy as it sounds, I’m glad I did. Because my cat, who we renamed Kevin, has changed my life.

 

He has taught me that it’s okay to just sit and watch the world from a high window, and that it’s okay to sleep in sometimes. He is my son and, as much as I always told myself I didn’t want to have kids, I am his mom.

And the best part? He breaks every cat stereotype I had. He is social, he never bites or scratches us, and the only noise he makes is a kitten-like meow. Nothing is cuter than him. Period.

At least in my eyes.

🙂